Breakdown
by FINNCHEL101
Summary: Ok, so I've been toying with this idea ever since I heard of Cory's passing. This is a one shot Finnchel fic. This is my first Glee fic so I hope I do it justice. Also I stink at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ok, so I have been wanting to write something ever since I heard of Cory's passing but, nothing ever seemed right. So after five days this is what I have came up with. This is my first Glee fic and I hope I did these lovely and amazing characters justice. Thank you for reading leave a review if you'd like. italics are flashbacks bold italics are Finn singing

Rachel was sitting in her apartment going through old pictures for some reason she had felt the need to reminisce about the past, she wasn't one for the past but something felt off, she could quite put her finger on it but she had this feeling all day that something was terribly wrong. She picked up a picture of her and Finn from when they went to New York it was one of the happiest times in her life she had felt they had finally gotten past everything that had kept them apart. She takes a sip of her wine and leans back and closes her eyes.

_There we were walking down the streets of New York everything was perfect both of us dressed to the nines, the guys in the background singing "Belle Note" it was the perfect moment. _

"_Wait... This is the moment in those romantic comedies where I kiss you." I hear him say as he leans closer I push him away as much as I wanted to kiss him I couldn't there was too much standing in the way. _

"_Take a chance on me?" He tells me cupping my chin. _

"_I can't." I tell him as I pull away and run off. _

Rachel let's out a heavy sigh and smiles at the photo and places it back in the box wiping a fallen tear from her eyes. She and Finn had always had this connection from the first day that they had met. It was like she had finally found that one person that really got her when no one else could. It was hard being in New York without him but she knew that their love was strong and no matter what one day they would be together. Rachel closes her eyes again and thinks back to graduation.

_Finn and I were sitting in his car I had no idea of what was going on all I knew was that we were getting married and we were going to be together and nothing was going to get in the way. _

"_What are we doing here?" I ask him as we pull into the train station._

"_You are going to get on that train and you're going to go to New York and you're going to be a star without me. That's how much I love you. You know what we are going to do? Surrender. I know how hard that is for you because of how hard you hold on to stuff. But we're just going to sit here and we're going to let go and let the universe do it's thing, and if we're meant to be together, then we're going to be together. Whether it's in a little shoebox apartment in New York or on the other side of the world. Will you do that for me? Will you surrender?" _

"_I love you so much." _

"_I love you."_

She couldn't take it anymore she had to put the past behind her. Rachel grabs the box and puts it back in the closet and decides to go out and get some fresh air, she needed to shake this feeling she had. Rachel grabs her jacket and bag and heads out the door.

"Kurt? What are you doing here?" she says as she sees Kurt standing there in her doorway. His eyes are red rimmed and he looks like he has not slept in a week.

"Uh-can I come in?" Kurt asks his voice cracking.

"Sure." Rachel smiles at him. "Can I get you something to drink?" Rachel asks not sure of what to say.

"No." Kurt shakes his head. "Rachel I have to tell you something." Kurt tells her taking a deep breath. This was by far one of the worst things he had to do.

"Kurt what's wrong you're scaring me?" Rachel asks noticing the tears forming in his eyes.

"It's Finn…." Kurt is cut off by Rachel.

"No….no…." Rachel collapses on the ground this was it the bad feeling she had been having.

"Rachel I am so sorry." Kurt drops to his knees and pulls her in for a hug not sure of what else to do.

"How? I mean what happened?" Rachel asks trying to gain her composure.

"There was this accident and…I don't know what happened….it just happened." Kurt tells her his voice cracking with every word.

"God, Kurt why…why Finn? We were supposed to find our way back someday." She couldn't take it anymore she felt the walls closing in on her. This was not happening Finn was gone and there was nothing she could do. She had so many dreams of them finding their way back, getting married, raising a family, and now it was gone just like that. There was nothing she could do no more grand gestures of love, no more chasing Finn like the lost girl she was, all of it was gone.

"I know…I know." It was all he could say as he watched his friend slowly crumble piece by broken piece. It made him sad to think that they would never get their happy ending.

"So…what do we do now?" Rachel asks looking up at me.

"Well…we go back to Lima and we do the only thing we know how." Kurt smiles at Rachel and Rachel nods.

A few days later Rachel is in Lima at her hotel room today is the memorial for Finn. In the past week she had felt every emotion from joy to anger and now all she felt was numb. She wasn't sure if she wanted to do this she and Finn had this connection every time they sang even when he first joined Glee she felt that connection. Rachel looks at the clock on the wall and decides to lie down just to get her thoughts together.

_There she was standing there on the stage at William McKinley high looking out into the empty chairs in the auditorium, just like she had everyday but this time it felt different like it was the only thing she had left. She hears the first chords of the song and closes her eyes and lets his voice take the lead. Mr. Shue had wanted us to go out side of our box as he called it and take a chance so this was us taking that chance. _

_**It still feels like our first night together**_

_**Feels like the **__**first kiss**_

_**It's getting better baby**_

_**No one can better this**_

_**Still holding on**_

_**You're still the one**_

_**First time our eyes me**_

_**tSame feeling I get**_

_**Only feels much strongerI wanna love you longer**_

_**Do you still turn the fire on?**_

_She opens her eyes and there he is standing there looking beautiful as ever she never knew how she got so lucky to have someone like him but, she got him and she was never letting go. She looks him in the eye as they walk closer as she begins to sing her part of the song._

_So if you're feeling lonely, don't_

_You're the only one I'll ever want_

_I only want to make it good_

_So if I love you a little more than I should_

_Please forgive I say is true_

_Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you_

_Please forgive me, _

_I know not what I do_

_Please forgive me, _

_I can't stop loving you_

_Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through_

_Please forgive me, if I need you like I do_

_Please believe me (Oh believe it), every word _

_As we walk closer I can't help but smile it's like everything that we had been through didn't matter it was just Finn and Rachel. She takes his hand and joins in with him._

_Still feels like our best times are together_

_Feels like the first touch_

_Still getting closer baby_

_Can't get closer enough_

_Still holding on_

_You're still number one_

_I remember the smell of your skin_

_I remember everything_

_I remember all the moves_

_I remember you yeah_

_I remember the nights, you know I still do_

_I feel him pull me closer and his arms caress my body I try to keep my composure and not let my emotions take over but, it's hard when we have a connection that runs so deep. I feel his breath upon my neck it's warm and inviting. My senses begin to go into overload and I'm finding it harder than ever to keep my emotions out of it. _

_So if you're feeling lonely, don't_

_You're the only one I'll ever want_

_I only want to make it go_

_So if I love you a little more than I should_

_Please forgive me, I know not what I do_

_Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you_

_Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through_

_Please forgive me, if I need you like I do_

_Please believe me (Oh believe it), every word I say is true_

_Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you_

_The smell of his skin, takes me over the edge and I turn to him we are face to face and inches apart nothing is stopping us from giving in it's just him and me no one else. I feel the warmth of his breath on my face as I close my eyes and let his voice take me in. _

_**The one thing I'm sure of**_

_**is the way we make love**_

_**The one thing I depend on**_

_**Is for us to stay strong**_

_**With every word and every breath I'm **__**praying**_

_**That's why I'm saying**_

_I hear the intensity in his voice as he finishes out the song and I feel like he is singing to me and only me. We finish out the song just staring into each other's eyes and in that moment it is like we both know what the other is thinking. _

_Please forgive me, I know not what I do_

_Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you_

_Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through_

_Please forgive me, if I need you like I do_

_Babe believe it, every word I say is true_

_Please forgive me, if I can't stop loving you_

_No, believe, I don't know what I do_

_Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you_

_I can't stop loving you _

_I grab his hand again as we finish out the song as he pulls me closer. I feel his lips travel down my neck and over my collar bone. I feel his hands inch closer and closer towards my breasts normally this would be the point that I would tell him to stop but, there is something about this moment that makes everything seem so right. I slowly turn towards him and give him a small kiss on the cheek as he slowly turns his head our mouths brush against each other. This is not a normal kiss it is a kiss that says everything that we have been holding in. I finally give into my senses and let him explore my body with his mouth. "I love you Rachel." I hear him whisper in my ear. _

"Rachel, wake up!" I hear someone say

"Kurt what are you doing here?" I ask confused as to why Kurt is in my room.

"Finn's memorial service is today." Then it hits me why he's here. I close my eyes trying to get the dream back that I had of Finn and I.

"Kurt I don't know if I can do this. How am I supposed to get up there and sing with out falling apart?" I feel the beginning of a major freak out here. I have performed in front of people before we even sang at a funeral but…this is different how do you say goodbye to someone who you are not ready to say goodbye to?

"Rachel none of us want to do this but…we have to yes, it's going to hurt but you know he would want this." I know Kurt is trying his best to console me but it isn't working.

"You're right. Uhmm….can you give me a minute to get ready and I'll meet you in the lobby." I tell him taking a deep breath.

"Sure…take all the time you need." He tells me as he gives me a hug and walks out the door. I get up and grab my clothes hoping that a warm shower will clear my head. I turn on the water letting the water warm up as I step in and let the warm water take over. I close my eyes trying to wash away the thoughts in my head.

_**And I'd give up forever to touch you'**_

_**Cause I know that you feel me somehow**_

_**You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be**_

_**And I don't want **__**to go home**__** right now**_

"_Hey." I hear him as he wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my neck. _

"_What are you doing here?" I ask not minding that he's here but he's supposed to be gone. _

"_I am always with you." He tells me placing small kisses along my neck. I quickly pull away from him. _

"_No, you left Finn you promised you'd never leave." I shout at him. _

"_Rachel I never went anywhere." He tells me as he takes my hand in his. _

"_You're dead Finn. Dead! "I go to hit him when I am met by a pair of strong arms pulling me closer. _

"_Rachel I made a promise to you that I would never leave NEVER and I meant it. No matter what I will always be with you. You told me that I was your first love and you know what you are mine always and forever Rachel. I love you and I will never leave you." He pulls me closer towards him and holds me tight. I inhale his scent and I let go of everything that I have kept in. "Shhh….I'm okay Rachel." he whispers in my ear. _

"_I love you Finn." I tell him giving him a kiss on the cheek. _

I turn off the shower and step out. Whipping the steam that has formed over the mirror I see him standing behind me and smiling and I know that everything will be okay. I get dressed and fix my hair and give myself on last look and I head down to the lobby.

McKinley High auditorium

As I walk down the halls of where Finn and I met it brings me back to a time that was so simple. I try my hardest not to breakdown I have to be strong for Finn. When we get to the doors of the auditorium it begins to hit me that he's gone and this is it. I look over to Kurt he squeezes my hand and gives me a slight smile. When we walk in we are greeted by Mercedes, Artie, Britney, Santana, Quinn, Puck, and Mr. Shue. I can see the sadness in their eyes as we come together for a group hug. I take one more deep breath.

"Hey." I am trying my hardest to stay strong but everything in this room reminds me of him and what we had.

"Rachel are you sure you want to do this?" I hear Mercedes ask as she places her arm around me.

"It's what he would want." I nod as I look over to Mr. Shue. "Puck would you do me the honors?" I ask handing him the sheet music. It wasn't like we needed it or anything. It was mainly to keep my hands from shaking.

"Sure." He takes the music and looks at it. "Really Rachel?" realizing that the song I chose was Don't Stop Believin'.

"It was the first song we sang together as a group." I tell him he takes my hand.

"This one's for you Finn." I hear Mr. Shue say in the background. I close my eyes and take in the music and I go back to the first time that we sang this song.

_**Just a small town girlLivin' in a lonely world**_

_**she took the midnight train goin' anywhere**_

_I stand here and listen to the awkward boy who happens to be the star quarterback of the football team and I am in awe…of how confident he is on the stage. _

_Just a city boy_

_Born and raised in South Detroit_

_He took the midnight train goin' anywhere_

_I almost forget my cue because I am hypnotized by his voice. There is so much soul and emotion in his voice. I take a step forward and begin my part never taking my eyes off of him. _

I can hear my voice begin to crack as I sing the song. Why did I think I could do this? I look around and everyone is trying so hard to keep it together. I feel a set of arms pull me closer.

_**A singer in a Smokey room**_

_I take his hand in mine as we continue to sing the song. He grabs my hand and smiles a smile that has melted my heart._

_The smell of wine and __cheap perfume_

_For a smile they can share the night_

_it goes on and on and on and on_

_We continue the song like we are the only two people in the room. _

I don't know how much longer I can take this it's too hard for me to sing this song without him here.

"I…I can't do this I'm sorry." I tell them finally reaching my breaking point and running out of the room. Suddenly I find myself sitting in front of Finn's old locker bawling my eyes out. I am suddenly flooded with so many memories of us. This is where we had our first kiss, our first fight, he even proposed to me here. How can I let that all go.

"_You have to let me go." I hear Finn say. _

"_But…I can't Finn we were supposed to find our way back…get married and grow old and now you're gone and never coming back. How do I go on from here?" I can feel the tears falling freely from my face. _

"_Rachel look at me." He tells her cupping her face. "I made a promise to you I am always going to be with you. I love you and that will never change but…you have to let me go as hard as it will be in order for you to live your dream and move on you have to let me go. I promise you that we will be together again one day." He tells me giving me a small kiss and he gets up. _

"_Finn…please I love you." I tell him not wanting to let him go but I know that one day I will have to let him go. _

"_I love you too Rachel. Remember I am always here." and like that he was gone. _

"Need a friend." I look up and see Puck standing there with his hand extended.

"Thanks." I nod my head and we walk down the hall. Not knowing what the future may bring our way. I look up at Finn's picture and smile knowing that everything will be ok.


	2. Pretending

Disclaimer: I own nothing but some Rick Springfield on Record.

See very long A/N at end.

Kurt is sitting on the bleachers on the football field trying to wrap his head around Finn's death. When his dad got the call it was like suddenly the world had stopped turning. Why Finn? Why not someone else (not like he would wish this on anyone) it wasn't fair. Finn was the only one that ever truly had his back even before they became brothers Finn was there for him. They may have had their differences but when it came down to what really mattered Finn had his back. He tried to hold it together for Rachel cause he knew this hit her the hardest, he felt bad because he knew that they would never get the chance that they truly deserved. It killed him to watch the strongest woman he knew crumble to pieces. What hurt the most there was nothing that anyone could do. The only one that could put her back together was Finn and he was gone. "Damn it why." He shouts to no one in particular as the tears fall harder and harder.

"_You're the only one she's got." I hear Finn say as he takes a seat on the bleachers._

"_Finn?" no it can't be I must be dreaming. _

"_I know we've had our differences in the past and I am sorry that I was such a jerk to you in the past. You know I never really knew what family meant until my mom married your dad. I'll admit I wasn't happy at first when our parents announced they were getting married, it wasn't because of you it was I didn't want to have to share my mom with anyone else. You taught me a lot Kurt, you taught me that it was ok to be myself, you taught me acceptance. For that I thank you. You showed me what a real family is like." I can see the hurt and emotion in his eyes. _

"_Thank you Finn it means a lot for you to say that. I know I did not make it easy on you." I tell him thinking back to when he moved in and I tried to decorate our room. _

"_I want you to make a promise to me that no matter what happens in this world don't ever change you are perfect the way you are." He tells me as he gets up. _

"_Where are you going? What about Rachel?" I ask him hoping he has the answer. _

"_I don't know but know that I am still with you. As for Rachel I want you to make me a promise. I want you to take care of her you are the only guy I trust with her. I know she is not taking this well at all and I need to know that she will be ok." I give Finn a nod and like that he is gone. _

"What the hell?" I whisper shaking my head. That was so real it was like I was really talking to him. I must be losing my mind if I am talking to a dead guy. I look up to the sky and smile knowing that the day just got a bit brighter. I get up from my seat and walk off the field. I pause and just for a minute I swear I can feel his presence.

Mc. Kinley High auditorium.

Puck is sitting on the stage playing his guitar; it was the one thing that kept him from losing his mind. Finding about Finn messed his head up bad he had never dealt with something like this before (Ya, his pet goldfish died when he was eight) but that was different. Losing Finn was like losing a brother. No matter how many times I messed up he was still my bro which was pretty cool seeing as I made out with both of his girlfriends and he could've easily kicked my ass for it but, in true Finn fashion he just told me to go to hell. I get up and kick the chair feeling the anger in me rise. I was pissed how could you just leave us dude?

"_You think I wanted this?" I hear a voice from behind me say. _

"_What the hell dude?" I say in shock not sure if this is my mind playing tricks on me or what._

"_You think I wanted to leave you guys like this?" I hear the anger in his voice. _

"_Why didn't you fight?" I ask him trying to keep myself from blowing up. I know I really have no right at all to be pissed it's not like he asked for this._

"_You think I didn't fight dude I fought my damnedest to be with her, to be with you guys. I'd give anything to be here with you guys, hell I'd give anything just to see her smile again." I can hear the emotion in his voice when he says the last part, which kills me because while I may be pissed that he left its Rachel that hurts the most. She gave everything to Finn mind, body, heart, and soul for what….just to have it all ripped away in a blink of an eye. God I really am a selfish ass. _

"_I'm sorry….I guess I just don't know how to deal with it. You were my bro man and now you're gone and it hurts like hell. I always thought the next time that we would be here would be for you and Rachel's wedding not your memorial service." I go to punch the wall when Finn stops me. _

"_Don't it's not worth it I get it you're pissed so am I…I'm pissed because I will never get to see her smile, never hear her laugh, and I will never get to tell her how I truly felt about her. So I need a favor from you…in my top dresser drawer there is a letter addressed to Rachel I want you to go get it and give it to her. You need to be there when she reads it because after she reads it she will need you more than ever and when she is done I want you to give her this." Wow is all I can think of. I nod my head and take the ring from his hand. _

"_I will do whatever you ask of me." I tell him and as quick as he returned he is gone. _

"What the hell?" I say to myself as I am left holding a ring. Was it a dream? Was it real? I don't know all I know is that I have something that needs to be done. With that thought Puck runs out of the auditorium and over to Finn's apartment.

_Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor_

_Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore_

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_

_For me it happens all the time_

Rachel decided that she needed to go for a walk and clear her head it had been an emotional week for her and she couldn't stand to be in that hotel room anymore. She had somehow had found herself on the doorsteps of Finn's apartment not sure of how or why she got here. Maybe she was hoping that this was all a nightmare and he would be on the other side of that door waiting for her but…. she knew that was not the case Finn was gone and there was nothing she could do to bring him back. She places her hand on the doorknob and opens the door. Hmm…that's weird he never left his door unlocked she thought to herself. When she walks in she instantly bombarded by his scent which is almost too much for her to bare. She takes a look around the room and sees the pictures hanging on the wall. Some of his dad, some of his mom, and some of him and Kurt. As she turns to shut the door she is face to face with his Letterman jacket. She takes it off the hook and inhales his scent it is a mixture of leather and the cologne he used to wear in high school. It is almost too much as she sheds a single tear she resists the temptation to put it on just to feel him again, instead she places it back on the hook when she sees something fall out of the pocket. She picks it up it is the lyrics to the song they wrote when they were in New York and inside is a picture of them from when they first dated. She grabs the jacket and sits on the floor and begins to read the lyrics which, takes her to a time when things were simpler.

_Nationals New York. _

_I had just got done telling Finn why we could not be together, which was probably a huge mistake but…I knew that we could not be together. I hear them announce New Directions I look over at Finn who gives me a smile as I take a deep breath as I take my cue. As I begin the song I know this is going to be the hardest performance I have ever done. Not because it's nationals but because of the deeper meaning of the song._

_Face to face and heart to heart_

_We're so close yet so far apart_

_I close my eyes I look away_

_That's just because I'm not okay_

_But I hold on I stay strong_

_Wondering if we still belong_

_I take a few steps out on to the stage never taking my eyes off him. I had never felt more exposed than in this very moment. Him looking at me like he is looking into my soul and he can see my fears. As we move closer I find it hard to keep my composure. Cause I want nothing more than to run into his arms and tell him I am a fool and that I love him._

_Will we ever say the words we're feeling_

_Deep down underneath it_

_Tear down all the walls_

_Will we ever have a happy ending_

_Or will we forever only be pretending_

_We will always be pretending_

_I find myself getting lost in the words and his voice. It's like we are the only ones in the room and nothing else matters. Every step I take towards me pushes me closer and closer to the edge. I know in my heart that I can't stay away anymore. There we are standing there face to face as the song ends. I can see the love he has for me in his eyes and it is in that moment as our faces move closer and closer until they touch that I know that we are meant to be and nothing is going to stop us. _

"Rachel!" I hear a voice that strangely sounds like Puck's but why would Puck be here. As I slowly open my eyes sure enough Puck is standing right in front of me.

"Puck! What are you doing here?" I quickly get up from the floor.

"Finn wanted me to give you this." He tells me pulling an envelope out of his pocket and hands it to me.

"How did you…." I ask confused

"Just read it." He tells me taking a seat on the couch. I take the letter and open it. Not sure of what to expect.

_Dear Rachel,_

_I know that you are wondering why I haven't spoken to you in over four months and I know that you are also pissed at me for it as well. There are some things that I need to tell you and maybe just maybe you might understand. Ok, so here it goes when I first met you I thought that you were loud and very controlling but…then I got to know the real Rachel the one that no one else got to see. The girl who had fire in her eyes and passion in her heart. The one that no matter how stupid she made herself out to be fought for what she believed in no matter how high the stakes were. The one that stole my heart to first day I laid eyes on her. You see Rachel the reason why it took me four months to finally see you was not because I didn't love you or want to see you. Because god I wanted to see you, hold you, kiss you. It was because that day at the train station was the biggest regret of my life I should've gone to New York with you maybe we'd still be together who knows, instead I let my stupid pride get in the way and pushed you away. I made a promise to myself that if I ever got the chance to hold you I would never let you go but….that didn't work out very well now did it? Ok, wow I'm just rambling now see I'm not very good at these things at all. I guess what I am trying to say is that Rachel Berry you are it for me. There is no other woman who will ever have my heart like you do. What I told you at Mr. Shue's wedding I meant it I still do you and I are endgame there is no one on this planet for me but you and I for you. Rachel I love you and I always will. One day we are going to find our way back and when we do I am never going to let you go. I love you from now until I take my last breath even then I will still love you. Ok, this is like the longest letter I have ever wrote come to think of it this is the only one I have written._

_Love Always,_

_Finn_

I let the letter slowly fall out of my hands. I feel like the air in the room has been sucked out of it and there hangs the deathly silence that I feared. I turn to Puck who is just standing there.

"Here." He says handing me the ring that Finn proposed to me with.

"How…did you get this?" I ask him as the room begins to spin.

"Finn told me to give it to you." Puck tells me with sympathy in his eyes. I slowly nod my head not sure of what to say. "So…what was in the letter?" As soon as the words have left his mouth I lose it.

"You want to know what was in that letter I'll tell you. He basically just poured his heart out to me and there is nothing I can do. I wish I could turn back time and tell him that I was a fool….a fool to ever leave….a fool to think that our love was strong enough for me to leave. I should've never got on that train…I should've never left him at Mr. Shue's wedding. I should've told him that I love him and I never stopped but…no I chose New York over him thinking that one day we would be together. Now he's gone and all I have left his this letter and this ring. I hate him Puck…I hate that he left without saying goodbye….I hate that he sent me to New York….I hate this pain in my chest that will not go away…you want to know the worst of it I hate that I will never be able to tell him that I love him again." I had finally reached my breaking point and let everything that I had held in out. I feel Puck's arms wrap around me. I try to get away but he just holds me tighter as my tears fall.

"_You Just told me." I hear a voice say to me. _

A/N: Thank you guys so much for the reviews you are way too kind. Originally this was going to be a one-shot but after giving this some more thought I have decided to make it longer, I think there is a lot more to tell of this story and this is also become my therapy as how to deal with the passing of Cory.

Few things you need to know about this story Rachel will not be with anyone else. I think that by putting her with another character other than Finn would feel very wrong. Like Finn told Rachel in season 4 they are endgame and that is the way it will be. Secondly the only main characters that will be focused in this will be Kurt, Puck, and Rachel I think these three were a huge part of Finn's life, I may add Mr. Shue and Quinn later on but for now this is how it is.

Ok so I have a few more chapter's written. I was wondering if any of you would be interested in out takes of this story. I have two written one is Kurt's reaction to death of Finn and the other is Puck's reaction. Would any of be interested in reading these if so I will get them posted. Once again thank you for reading.


	3. Kurt

Disclaimer: Once again I own nothing except for a whopping .35 cents.

A/N at end.

Kurt

I was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels bored out of my mind. I turned the TV off realizing that the only thing on was infomercials and reality shows. I hear my phone ring and I go to answer it.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hey." I smile as I hear Blaine's voice we hadn't talked much since the wedding it was nice to hear his voice.

"Hi, umm…how are you?" I ask not sure of what to say.

"I am good and you?" I hear him ask as I open the fridge to find something to eat.

"Good." I tell him as I hear a knock on the door. "Hey can you hold on a minute there is someone at the door." I open the door and it's my dad he's just standing there with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey Kurt…you got a minute?" My dad asks with a somber tone. I nod and let him in.

"Blaine…I got to go my dad's here." I hang up the phone. "I was just getting ready to make a sandwich you want one?" I asks gesturing towards the kitchen.

"No…thanks actually Kurt I need you to sit down." He tells me taking a seat in one of the chairs by the island.

"Dad…what's going on? You never come over unexpected." I can't help but shake this feeling I have that there is something wrong.

"Kurt…I don't know how to say this…." I hear my dad tell me.

"Dad…just say it I can handle it." I had never seen my dad like this before and it was starting to scare me.

"It's Finn…." I can hear my dad talking but it's not making any sense.

"Dad is he…is he ok?" I ask almost knowing what his answer is going to be.

"He's gone." In all my years I had never seen my dad cry…except for this moment and then I realize this is not a dream it is real…Finn's gone.

"I…I don't get it…what do you mean Finn's gone?" I feel the air get tight in the room and my legs get weak. I look at my dad and I know this is it.

"I'm so sorry." My dad reaches out to me.

"No…no." I shake my head and push past my dad and run up the stairs. This isn't happening Finn can't be gone….he can't be. I shut my bedroom door and walk over to my nightstand where I see a photo of my dad and Finn's mom's wedding. I smile because it was the first time that I truly knew what having a brother meant…granted he embarrassed me to no end with that song he sang but seeing him there up in front of everyone we knew sing that song. It made me proud and happy and I knew that no matter what happened in this world it was going to be ok because I had Finn in my life. I throw the picture at the wall watching it break into a million pieces. I don't know why I threw the photo at the wall…maybe because this hurts like hell….maybe I was angry. I really don't know because I can't be angry at him for leaving it wasn't his fault…I guess I was just angry at myself….for not telling him all the things I wanted to say. Like how I will never forget how he saved me so many times….how he'd take the fall when I was being picked on. Finn may have been the star quarterback but he was also a really great guy who had a heart of gold…it wasn't fair why Finn? He had dealt with death before but this…was different this was someone who not only was family but…his friend. This just sucked because the worst part of it was how he was going to tell Rachel…oh god Rachel is going to be devastated Finn was her world…no he was her universe. They had gone through so much with Quinn being pregnant….the whole Jessie thing…him sleeping with Santana…and so. The point was that they had been through hell and I knew that one day they would be together. How could he tell her that Finn was gone? He knew he had to go to New York and tell her in person.

A/N: ok so I tried to get Kurt's reaction right hope I did well. I am sorry that this is so short but while I find that this is good therapy it is also emotionally draining.


	4. Without You

Disclaimer: Still I own nothing

A/N: Ok I have been giving this a lot of thought about continuing this or not just because this story has been one of the most emotional ones I have wrote and to be honest it is emotionally draining but…I have decided to keep going on with it because there is so much more I want to write. Also there is a little twist at the end of this chapter and I hope you guys enjoy it. Ok well enough of my rambling.

New York one month later.

Rachel is lying in her bed trying to get the motivation to get up. It had been a month since Finn's death each day was getting better and better. Kurt and Puck had insisted on coming back to New York with me saying that they could help me if needed but…honestly they were driving me nuts. I roll over and turn my alarm clock off and get up for the day because I knew that if I didn't get up soon one of them would be up her making sure I hadn't killed myself or something. I head into the bathroom and turn on the shower letting the warmth of the water calm her. She didn't know why she was nervous she had gone through many auditions before but this time it was different maybe it was because this would be the first one since Finn's death. She closes her eyes and just lets the water carry her thoughts away.

I close my eyes and begin to hum a song just hoping that this will relax me somehow.

I can't _win, _I can't reign

I will never win this game

without you

without you

The water is soothing and she can feel her mind begin to wander.

_I am lost, I am vain _

_I will never be the same_

_ without you _

_without you _

"_Hey." I hear his voice from behind me and he wraps his arms around me. I feel his breath along my neck which gives me chills._

"_What are doing here?" I ask not minding that he has come to visit. _

"_I know how nervous you get when there is an audition and I thought maybe I could help you relax." he tells me placing soft kisses along my neck I let out a small sigh leaning my head back letting myself get caught up in the moment. He cups my cheek and gives me that crooked smile that I love of his and pulls me into a kiss. I feel his hands graze my ribcage which sends my senses into overload I don't know how much more I can take of this. I want to live in this moment forever but I know as soon as I open my eyes he will be gone._

"_I love you Rachel." I hear him whisper in my ear as he places soft kisses along my jaw and to my neck. _

"_I love you too." I say breathlessly as I let my senses take control. _

I step out of the shower shaking off my thoughts as I wipe the steam off the mirror I see him standing behind me smiling and I know in that moment everything is going to be ok. I grab the star necklace that Finn bought me and place it around my neck.

_I won't run, I won't fly _

_I will never make it by _

_without you_

_ Without you _

As I walk down the stairs I am assaulted by the smell of eggs, bacon and I think pancakes I am not too sure. I get to the kitchen and Puck and Kurt are standing there making breakfast. I smile as Kurt turns around.

"Oh hey, Rachel you hungry?" Kurt asks wearing a blue apron and setting a plate of food in front of me.

"You guys you didn't have to cook me breakfast." I tell them smiling at the kind gesture.

"Well…Kurt cooked I just watched. I'm not really good at it. Coffee?" I laugh only because I know he is right.

"So what are the occasion guys?" I ask almost worried as to why they are making breakfast.

"Well…I heard that a one Miss. Rachel Berry has an audition today and well we wanted to wish you good luck." Kurt tells me taking a seat beside me.

"Thanks you too this is so sweet. I really can't thank you enough for being here with me." I tell them and take a bite of my pancake. I sigh at how good these are.

"You know I think you're going to make a good husband some day." I tell him in awe of his cooking skills.

"Don't you mean wife?" I hear Puck say. I give him a look. "What?" he just shrugs his shoulders.

"No…he's right I am more of the wife type. I mean come on I am a bit on the feminine side." We all laugh at Kurt's statement. It was nice to finally be able to laugh and joke around like we used to. While the pain of losing Finn was still raw I guess it just gave me hope that everything is ok.

"Ok…guys wish me luck." I smile as I grab my bag.

"Good Luck." I hear Puck and Kurt say as I give them a smile and head out the door.

11111111111

"Rachel…wake up." I feel someone shaking me.

"No…a few more minutes please." I pull the covers over my head hoping that who ever it is will just go away.

"Rachel you need to get up." god will this person just go away don't they realize a star needs her beauty sleep. I try to roll over when I am met by what feels like a brick wall. I slowly open my eyes and I am in shock.

"Finn?" I rub my eyes thinking that my mind is playing tricks on me. I slowly reach my hand out to touch him.

"Are you ok Rachel?" A very confused Finn asks.

"Is this a dream?" Ok I have really lost it Finn's dead he can't be here.

"Rachel I can assure you that this is not a dream. What's wrong you look like you have seen a ghost?" I can hear Finn chuckle.

"Finn stop it this isn't funny you're dead. We had your memorial service and everything." I feel like I am really losing it. I mean if Finn is alive then what the hell?

"I'm not dead…Rachel do you not remember the doctor told you to rest after you hit your head?" Finn brushes a strand of hair out of my face.

"What…you mean it was all a dream? Oh…god you're really here this isn't my head messing with me?" I feel a sudden wave of relief wash upon me as I let the tears fall from my face.

"Rachel what's wrong." he asks placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Finn…it was horrible the dream I had. You…you were in this accident and you were dead…" before I could finish my sentence he pulls me closer and kisses me.

"Rachel…shhh…its ok I'm here I am not going anywhere." he tells me pulling me even closer. I hold on tight not wanting to let go.

"But…" I start to say when he cups my face and pulls me closer.

"No….look at me Rachel I told you I would never leave you and I meant it. Nothing and I mean nothing is ever going to take me away from you. I am yours from now until I take my last breath." He tells me as his lips brush against mine. We continue to kiss like this for awhile.

"Don't scare me like that dream or not." I give him a playful hit.

"I love you." He says as we fall back on the bed. Not caring about anything else.

"I love you too." I tell him as he pulls me closer and we just lie there in each other's arms thankful that I get another day with him.

A/N 2: Ok I really hope you guys liked the twist. While Cory may be gone I could not just kill Finn off there is still too much of the Finnchel story to tell and I think that while Finnchel and Monchele may not have their HEA on or off screen at least in fan fiction they can get the HEA that they deserve. Sorry this is so short I will update again Monday.


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